I'm in the Bardo at the moment...two weeks away from moving to Italy. For those of you not in The Know...the Bardo is the place where your soul hangs out in between physical lives, while you wait for your other soul mates to exit their current physical existence and join to so you can all be reincarnated again in new roles and bodies. I'm metaphorically there. In a place called Stockton. I'm waiting for the rest of my future encounters to line themselves up cosmically so that things will arrive right on time when I return to Italy. So, until then, I am just floating. Waiting. Meditating. Worrying. Being exasperating.
Hmmm...what else other than an impending international move? I think I'm in love with a guy who is both perfect and totally wrong for me. We'll call him Dr. Scotts. He's unbelievable in general, but really brusk. He can match wits intellectually, but often doesn't interpret what I am saying correctly. He's also impossible to predict (which is intriguing) or understand (which is maddening). He's really cute (think Eric Dane) but I don't think we are far enough distant in height because I really like to wear heels and it's my mother's fault I am so damn tall (5'10"). He takes great strides not to do anything to upset me, and yet I find myself with hurt feelings on a regular basis. And while it thrills me that he is so perceptive in person and knows the slightest nuance of my mood, it really bothers me that over the phone I feel like he is too quick to judge and dismiss what I am saying because he isn't patient enough to hear it. He's great because he's not intimidated by me, but I find myself a little intimidated by him and that's just not really ok with me. And I am beginning to feel undervalued. And did I mention that he is seeing somebody other than me? That's, er, rather problematic...but I am leaving so I tolerate it. Something I would normally NEVER EVER do.
Note to self: stick to guns about not rewarding bad behavior.
Further note to self: Auntie Sal says that if it has tires or testicles it is going to give you problems.
But he did totally spoil me this last weekend. And, like I said (and he never fails to remind me)...I'm leaving. And it's about damn time because I am really sick of thinking about him. I seriously need some space. I just don't know how I feel about the whole thing. A little nauseous to be honest. I'm soooo over it.
Ok, enough man stuff. Back to me.
Body is looking pretty darn good. Seeing personal trainer at 7am tomorrow so he can torture me, but improve my already fantastic arms and race-horse legs. Butt needs some serious help. It's totally lazy. Yes, I have a lazy ass. And the top of my thighs could stand to loose some more fat...but that will come with time. But I lost an inch off my waist in the last week alone. Good genes that way. I'll always have some major hips and broad shoulders, but my waist gets TEENY TINY. Thank you, Mom.
Hmmm...face also coming along. I'm still waiting to be 30 when my mother insists I will finally come into my own and will cause traffic accidents. Hoping people will have car insurance and nobody gets hurt. 5 years and 2.5 months more until we see if that prediction comes true.
Speaking of predictions...my mother also insists I will be married to someone other than myself in a couple more years. It's not in my plan, but neither was falling for Dr. Scotts before I left for Italy. It was also not my plan to miss not one, but TWO flights coming back from Italy in August and ending up stranded in Chicago...where I was NEVER supposed to be, at 1am, on the sidewalk where there was this really cute turquoise-eyed, broad-shouldered man just waiting for me...who also happened to live in California and wasn't supposed to be on that sidewalk either. The Goddess sure has a hell of a sense of humor.
Another note to self: Must be more wary of cute guys we meet at airports on the way home from vacations. They just might turn into something.
All of my ex beaus have been coming out of the woodwork because OF COURSE they know that a) I finally actually really, really like somebody...and b) because I am like totally unavailable and moving to another country. WTF? But it feels good and is a great reminder that there is something seriously irresistible about me, and that they all come back eventually. Because they do. And 5 of them popped back into my life on Monday alone.
Alright, I need to get up in 6 hours for my training session. I apologize for this entirely self-indulgent nonsense, but I have to get it out first. I promise more interesting things to come. I started this after having a 2-hour conversation with this guy I sat next to at a dinner party. He told me I should be a blogger because he would read it. So, Tom, wherever you are in the world, I hope you find this. Because this Blog's for you.
Ciao, Ragazzi.
